"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it." Rafiki, The Lion King
I took Chatterbox with me to the movie theater to see the re-release of The Lion King this past Saturday. It has always been one of my favorite Disney movies, and I couldn't wait to share the experience of watching it with him. He elected a Starbucks marble pound cake as his treat rather than popcorn, and we smuggled in sodas to attempt to keep me from going into bankruptcy to buy food in the theater.
It was as magical as I had hoped. He was transfixed the whole time, just as I always was as a child when I went to the movies...soaking in the immensity of the screen, the smell of the popcorn, and the boom-boom of the bass in the soundtrack.
What I didn't expect was the rush of a forgotten memory....seeing The Lion King live on stage with my mother-in-law some years ago when she was still alive. We took her and her life partner of 25 years, who I also love dearly, to see it as a thank you for gifting her used SUV to me when she was ready to buy a new one. It was a good truck, a tank really. She was always saying how she didn't like the idea of me driving around in my little Ford Escort with all the crazies on 285. She used to joke that driving in Atlanta was like risking your life on a daily basis.
We lost her to a rare form of Parkinson's around this time two years ago. And I miss her every single day.
We had a rare relationship that daughters-in-law can only dream of. We enjoyed an easy rapport with each other, and she was incredibly good to me. She was quirky and soulful, and loved her two sons like crazy.
The thing that I respected most about her was that she owned up to her mistakes. She was very vocal about her shortcomings as a mother in her children's early life...and although she would often frame these comments in a funny story from their childhood, she was adamant that she made innumerable mistakes during those years and always regretted her inability to be there for them in the way she should have been. I always somehow felt that she said these things within hearing distance of her sons as a way to seek their forgiveness. As I watched Simba go through his journey of pain and ultimate victory during the film, I was reminded why I loved and respected her so much -- for her willingness to tell the truth...and how facing her demons helped to transform her into the loving, nurturing person I knew her to be.
I marinated with my memories of her and other weightier issues as the movie concluded, its central themes taking on a more profound message than when I first watched it years ago. I recognized in Scar the most heinous of enemies, and maybe the greatest Disney villain ever...the way he orchestrated an "accident" to kill his own brother then lied convincingly to a young, impressionable Simba...hissing and whispering a web of shame into Simba's mind...and does it so well that he almost changes the poor cub's destiny to become King. All for the sake of his own selfish ambition and jealously. Simba runs...Scar wins...and the entire kingdom suffers for it.
Here's the interesting twist that didn't really hit me until this viewing. Simba perceived his greatest sin as ultimate responsibility for his father's death. Of course, it wasn't his fault...the audience is in on the truth. But what if Mufasa's death had been Simba's fault? What if he really was responsible in some indirect way? Was this Simba's greatest sin? I don't think so.
I think it was the running away part. That was the true turning point. The one that could have changed not only his story, but his future children's stories, his mother's story, and the entire kingdom's story. Running was the easier choice, the faster way to a happy ending. His life with Pumbaa and Timon in the jungle turned out to be kind of awesome. Not a care in the world - Hakuna Matata! Just put your past mistakes out of your mind. Facing them just makes you feel bad. It hurts too much -- so Hakuna Matata instead!
Aren't you glad that's not where the story ended?
My favorite character in the story is Rafiki. He comes across as a little nuts, but it turns out he the most sane one in the bunch. He's the seer, the truth-teller. He sought Simba out and hit him on the head with the truth of the matter -- literally. It is a beautiful moment of epiphany as Simba faces the choice of his life. He can continue his carefree existence, never thinking of the consequences of his past actions...or more importantly, his inaction... and allow those dearest to his heart to continue to reap the disaster he has himself created; or, he can put aside his shame, return home to face his family, tell the truth (whatever the consequences!) and fight for his rightful place on the throne.
Whew. I don't know about you, but the first one sounds a bit easier. But that's an illusion -- and Simba recognized it as such.
I'm going to go out on a limb here with a statement. It applies to men AND women, obviously. But I feel that I should say something specifically to the men that may run across this blog. All two of you, anyway. Because this is really, really important that we get this right for the next generation.
The world needs more men that will face their mistakes, and do what needs to be done by heading the charge to fix them. The women and children in your home need that from you. Your employees need that from you. Pastors, your church needs that from you.
This means more than putting on your swagger and showing us all how strong you are. It even means more than saying you're sorry when you mess up.
That's not good enough. It takes a bigger man to take it a step further. It means looking at your family and friends in the eye and telling the truth about where you failed and why, taking responsibility for your actions, facing the consequences head-on and doing the hard work to go about repairing the damage.
I'll go a step further. It also means busting the news of your mistakes wide open before you are found out by someone else. That's right...before someone else has to shine the light on the stuff you don't want anyone else to know about.
This goes against the grain. I get it. I really do. It's a pride thing all mixed together with a shame thing, and the thought of just airing out your business when no one really knows your mistakes to begin with sounds like opening a can of worms for no good reason. You rationalize, betting on the possibility that no one else may ever find out, then lucky lucky you gets to have his cake and eat it too.
There's one little flaw in that plan. You know, and God knows...and it's the knowing when you put your head on the pillow at night that will eat away at you, and ultimately make you less of a man...even if no one else ever knows.
This is not a news flash, friends. All you have to do is watch CNN covering the good folks in Congress. Actually, you don't even have to turn on the TV...look at your best friend, your brother, your boss. This is an epidemic that is running rampant in our world. The consequences are clear...if you do not take hold of your pride and wrestle it to the ground when it threatens to rule your choices, you will ultimately lose something. You will lose a friend, or your wife, or your children's respect, or your financial security.
You may even lose the destiny that had your name written on it before the beginning of time. I'd say that's a pretty big price to pay for saving face.
Here's the beauty part. When you step up to the plate and do this, a miraculous thing happens. The people around you that truly love you will rally and support you through the cleanup of the mess you have made. You may have to go backward before you go forward. In fact, I guarantee it. It will set you back and make you feel as small as an insignificant ant for a while. But at least you'll be on the right path again instead of going further down a road to nowhere good.
We all make mistakes and we all know how deep down that we'd rather run. Maybe that is why we are so affected when we see a man who seems to have everything going for him put it all on the line for the sake of his integrity and the people he loves - consequences be damned. You must believe this...the man who is strong enough to put aside his pride to save his marriage, or his children, or his business, or his church inspires awe and respect when the dust settles and the story is told. You will become the man that other men look up to, women aspire to love, and children respect.
You may not have all the animals in Africa bow down to you as you stand gazing from a tall precipice or anything. But living out your true destiny is pretty cool too.
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